I spilled my coffee at 5:30 this morning. I knew it would happen, in fact I had a vision of it happening in the kitchen while making my husband's lunch. It didn't change the fact that it super ticked me off. Super ticked is definitely an adjective for this situation. Anyhow, even though I "had a feeling" that coffee would be spilled it didn't quite play out like the vision.
While pouring carefully into my favorite mug, I imagined the cup slipping out of my hands and hitting the kitchen floor spraying flecks of sugary creamy coffee up the wall, all over the fridge, and shattering said cup. I thought "Man, I'm glad that didn't happen." It would have been sad to lose that cup and a huge pain to clean up such a mess. Rather pleased with myself for not dropping the cup I walked down the hall and set it down too fast, sloshing the yummy goodness down the side of my bookcase and all over a picture. Then came a choice word that escaped my mouth, and that was indeed unfortunate. The whole scenario reminded me that i'm a failure. (Don't worry, this isn't a self bashing pity party. I'm going somewhere with this.) Just as I began to clean up the mess and settle down for some quiet time, the yelling started.
Most of my neighbors are either on their way to work at 5am or sleeping. However today my next door neighbor began sharing the story of his morning in a song of expletives. Not that it was in anyway shocking. In fact it's pretty common. I was very surprised by how early he was awake and also saddened that his day began with such intense anger. Whenever i'm inadvertently invited into someone's life I can't help but wonder about them. I wonder things like: What in the world is he so angry about? Why does he feel like he has to scream and swear all the time? Why does he feel so powerless, or sometimes so powerfully opposed to his own family? Who showed him this behavior, What happened to him? Why is this normal for them?
It's also not uncommon for me to complain about living next door to them. If you know me personally I don't doubt that you've heard me gripe at least once about these neighbors. One thing I don't always share is that I don't like it because it reminds me of parts of my childhood. I won't go into a ton of details, but suffice it to say that I grew up in an unstable environment. Drug and alcohol abuse was a daily event in my home. Many times I would witness rants similar to the one that happened this morning, but in my own living room. I know now why it happened with some of my family members. They lived through a hellish assortment of nightmares in their own childhood and used drugs and alcohol to avoid feeling and dealing with the pain of life. The message that was reinforced to them was that they were always doing terrible things and becoming terrible people. Guess what happened? They grew up to become unstable adults with extremely difficult lives and a trail of destruction that followed each of them, because of terrible things they had done.
So when I hear my neighbor screaming my heart breaks for him because I can only imagine what he was told about himself. Who made him feel worthless and weak? Who taught him that to be heard in life you have to scream at the top of your lungs? I'm sure that some part of himself took over after those negative beliefs were reinforced enough times.
We've all done that in life to some extent. Someone told us what or who we were or weren't from the beginning. Some of us choose to spend the rest of our lives living out the negative things that were spoken over us to our own detriment. My own message was one of shame, false guilt, worthlessness, and rejection. I remember thinking, "I want out of this way of life." Because of the example of some of my family, I knew drugs and alcohol were not the ultimate answer. However, I couldn't overcome all the negative lies about myself on my own. I know because I tried everything, and it never lasted.
It wasn't until I met a man who gave me hope that the opposite was true. He told me that the God who created everything created me on purpose. That if I asked God to forgive me for the destructive way that I had treated HIS child (me) and asked God's Son Jesus to come live in my heart, I would instantly be forgiven for ALL of it. Not part of it. Not a fraction of it. ALL OF IT! It was so amazing. It's probably not as amazing to you because, well, you're not me and you didn't, don't and can't know everything I've ever done because you're not God. Trust me, it was bad.
I was not instantly healed of the the lies that I had believed for so long though. It also didn't wipe away the memories of the destructive things I had done. What it did do was lead me to pursue everything about God that I could. This even included some godly counseling after my mother died; and over time (about 15 years) my internal message has changed. It has gone from the self fulfilling prophecy, which was destructive, to the God fulfilled prophecy that who I am is His PRECIOUS CHILD, even WHEN I fail. What I am IS WORTHY of His love, and to be heard I only need to pray. Sure, parts of my old self remain (like the word that escaped me this morning). However, with God's help I'm working on it one day at a time.
I wish that people like my neighbor would begin to have their negative messages changed by the truth of who they are in Christ's eyes too. They are beloved, precious and valuable to Him. Jesus wants to give them the gift of having a changed life; a life of worth and value. Jesus offers this precious cup to everyone, and all too often just like my vision this morning, they let it slip through their hands and shatter on the ground. Sometimes it's even thrown. Other times we accept the cup and still manage to make a mess, like I did this morning. Thankfully Christ is right there to clean up what we believe about who we are when we fail. There's so much more to it than this, but there is already a book on that. (see: The Bible)
In short, we are who we believe we are. Whether it's believing the criticisms of the world, the opinions of others, or the opinion of God, we ARE living out and acting like who we believe we are. The more we chose to believe who God says we are, the better off we will be, because the truth is that He loves us and says we're precious to Him.
I fail first thing in the morning. I fail throughout the day, and at this point in my life, I'm so grateful to have a Savior that loves me through my failures, and calls me His precious daughter. That's who I want to be.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
For The Ritz Crew.... From Auntie Les...
Ritzville overview:
A long hot ride
with No complaints,
And the kids were saints,
When the car was hot,
Miah's fruit got rot,
The baby cried,
but no one died,
thankful for the mum mums.
Ritz crew song,
Goes on and on,
Then a hand ball game,
It brought the pain,
The last day it rained,
And it washed away,
The great chalk display,
That they all made,
To show the love,
To everyone....
the work was done...
we we're havin' fun.
Sanctuary stairway was scary,
In the dark,
But at the park,
Was blood and mud,
And sweat and crud,
Washed by all the water,
The water from the sprinklers,
The merry go round was cray cray,
That was not the first day,
When we threw a frisbee,
But it was very freaky,
When someone's nose got bloody,
Then they ran into a tree...
Slapstick come-d-yyy.
Some of us had to take a nap,
When all our strength got mega zapped,
But morning times were super great,
We read the same book every day:
The cow was blue,
The cow was true,
The cow's pyjamas were a bit confused
The school had awkward showers,
We sang the Ritzville rap for hours,
Recording in the streets,
Eating all the sweets...
Kitchen crew knew what to do,
To set up food,
Great attitudes,
And then we made the brownies,
For the Jen's we made the brownies,
The dark dark chocolate brownies,
That washed away the frownies,
Of our pows,
But not our wows,
There were plenty of those,
And we saw some camaros
Everyone had buddies,
Super secret buddies,
That they encouraged daily
In a not so secret way,
And every night revealed,
The ways that we were feeling,
The lights flickered on the ceiling,
Maybe the guys were dancing,
To 80's music prancing,
Staying forever young,
Until the night was done....
Jonathan was rapping,
Gracie she was napping,
Katie was a helpin',
Miah was a yelpin',
Joey took the trash out,
Isaac gave a shout out,
Anna preached the gospel,
We all wished we'd had some waffles,
Hay was super cray cray
Because she had a latte,
Starbucks trip was rainy....
Auntie Les tried to be her best,
Even when the moths were stalking,
And the teenagers were mocking,
But never would she fear,
Because of Little She Bear,
Who had to kill the spider,
That crawled up the wall beside 'er
We all became expert water sliders,
And some big splashing divers.
Loki looked like a billy goat,
Miah, punched Rory in the throat,
Captain A. was called a hottie,
But the hulk was green and naughty,
Iron man had a crooked nose,
A dust storm up and straight arose,
We were in that thing to win it,
It lasted 20 minutes.
Cecily and Jayden read the word,
Max and Rosie were a little absurd,
But they all stole the show,
Wait, where did Rosie go?
Jen M. is singin' broadway,
Jen A. is growin' a bay bay!
A long hot ride
with No complaints,
And the kids were saints,
When the car was hot,
Miah's fruit got rot,
The baby cried,
but no one died,
thankful for the mum mums.
Ritz crew song,
Goes on and on,
Then a hand ball game,
It brought the pain,
The last day it rained,
And it washed away,
The great chalk display,
That they all made,
To show the love,
To everyone....
the work was done...
we we're havin' fun.
Sanctuary stairway was scary,
In the dark,
But at the park,
Was blood and mud,
And sweat and crud,
Washed by all the water,
The water from the sprinklers,
The merry go round was cray cray,
That was not the first day,
When we threw a frisbee,
But it was very freaky,
When someone's nose got bloody,
Then they ran into a tree...
Slapstick come-d-yyy.
Some of us had to take a nap,
When all our strength got mega zapped,
But morning times were super great,
We read the same book every day:
The cow was blue,
The cow was true,
The cow's pyjamas were a bit confused
The school had awkward showers,
We sang the Ritzville rap for hours,
Recording in the streets,
Eating all the sweets...
Kitchen crew knew what to do,
To set up food,
Great attitudes,
And then we made the brownies,
For the Jen's we made the brownies,
The dark dark chocolate brownies,
That washed away the frownies,
Of our pows,
But not our wows,
There were plenty of those,
And we saw some camaros
Everyone had buddies,
Super secret buddies,
That they encouraged daily
In a not so secret way,
And every night revealed,
The ways that we were feeling,
The lights flickered on the ceiling,
Maybe the guys were dancing,
To 80's music prancing,
Staying forever young,
Until the night was done....
Jonathan was rapping,
Gracie she was napping,
Katie was a helpin',
Miah was a yelpin',
Joey took the trash out,
Isaac gave a shout out,
Anna preached the gospel,
We all wished we'd had some waffles,
Hay was super cray cray
Because she had a latte,
Starbucks trip was rainy....
Auntie Les tried to be her best,
Even when the moths were stalking,
And the teenagers were mocking,
But never would she fear,
Because of Little She Bear,
Who had to kill the spider,
That crawled up the wall beside 'er
We all became expert water sliders,
And some big splashing divers.
Loki looked like a billy goat,
Miah, punched Rory in the throat,
Captain A. was called a hottie,
But the hulk was green and naughty,
Iron man had a crooked nose,
A dust storm up and straight arose,
We were in that thing to win it,
It lasted 20 minutes.
Cecily and Jayden read the word,
Max and Rosie were a little absurd,
But they all stole the show,
Wait, where did Rosie go?
Jen M. is singin' broadway,
Jen A. is growin' a bay bay!
VBS was a-maze-ing,
Captain Obvious R-dog in full swing,
Everybody on your team,
Rigel fixing up everything,
Starla preachin' and sparkling,
Clance was sweeping and sweeping...
Auntie Les singing and singing....
Quail were running and running,
Isaac was backstage videoing,
Joey, Miah, Haylee, & Katie were navigating,
Ritzville peeps were teaching,
Everyone was preaching,
The whole trip was amazing,
I would do it all agai---n...
Peace out yo'
Y'all are angelic!
Don't forget, you can all go to the bathroom now... ;)
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Signs...
So here's the deal... I love to run. I'm not really fast, and I usually don't run more than 3 or 4 miles, but I love it. Recently my favorite stretch of serenity has been interrupted by construction, which has unfortunately ruined a peaceful view of the trees that line Borgen Blvd. Boo. Anyhow, one of the reasons I love running so much is that it's a place I can quiet my mind enough to get some time to focus. Sometimes it's my quiet time with God, sometimes He just encourages or challenges me. Usually i'm looking for something: an answer, some bit of wisdom, sometimes a "sign from God" anybody with me?
There's a lot I'd like to say right here, but I'll try very hard to keep it short and to the point. On my way back to my car I saw this street sign. It's usually not in my way and honestly I might have ignored it except for the fact it was askew. It simply says,
"BE PREPARED TO STOP"
Normally, as a rule, I don't take my phone with me on a run but God had this little picture for me today. It was a sign from God for you and me. There are going to be times in your life where you are tempted to think, do or say things that are wrong and eventually end up hurting you and/or other people. There's a whole list of things that could look like, but I'm going to trust that you can come up with your own. Get creative. Sometimes you might fool yourself into thinking, "I'll never change so I'll just give in." or "Just this once I'll treat myself" or "No one is getting hurt." Sometimes you might just flat out give up and give in to temptations great or small. Making enough decisions like that can eventually turn into, "I don't care anymore, I want what I want." That's what temptation does. It lures us in, promising unending pleasures and making fools of it's victims in the end. So what can we do about it?
Read the sign: BE PREPARED TO STOP. Prepare yourself to choose NOT to give in to temptation. Read your bible, get real with a friend or ten to hold you accountable, get honest with yourself and with God about what your doing or thinking of doing ask for forgiveness and STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! If you screw up and fall in again, GET BACK UP and start over. Don't ever give up preparing to stop! It will always be worth it in the end. Maybe the sign should say STAY PREPARED TO STOP?
This isn't a standing in judgement of others people, this was a get real with my own junk observation that I just wanted to share with someone who might be inspired by it's simple message. Place something new in that spot of temptation. For me right now that looks like treating myself to a run instead of food. Tomorrow who knows, but I won't worry about it till I get there. Goodnight all.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
So, God doesn't care right?
Sunday... today marks a 72 hour eating binge I'd like to refer to as, "The Weekend of Shame". I know a lot of folks who commiserate with me in this. We overeat, beat ourselves up, and either trudge on ahead in ignorance or get extra mad and plan on another eating spree.
I have to confess that this weekends food festival was especially bad because I haven't overeaten like this for ages. I mean it. Sometimes I will hear people shame themselves over how they could pound a bag of M&M's or a box of cookies. So when I tell you that Since friday I've eaten: 6 krispy kreme donuts, 15 chicken nuggets and some fries, two hot dogs with everything on them, a mess of chips, ice cream, pasta salad a cupcake, 3 bowls of fruit loops a cup o noodles and just now I polished off a bag of Mike & Ike's, believe me I could eat some M&M's right now too! In fact that is exactly why I'm blogging because an hour ago in tears I was on my way to a pity party at the Lake Kathryn Store to buy a giant bag of peanut butter M&M's.
The eating wasn't at all about hunger. It actually began on the heels of some spiritual emotional turmoil, but I had to press on. It was my daughters birthday and I had to be fun mom. She had requested donuts instead of cake. So when Greg walked through the front door with 48 assorted krispy kreme donuts it was like he held a bag of kryptonite. So I ate one, and that was all it took. I knew after the second one that I had just opened pandora's box and there was no hope of turning back. The carbs made me feel great for 20 minutes and then just like that my blood sugar would drop and the cycle would start over again, and every time I would feel more and more ashamed and uncomfortable.
See I don't like to be uncomfortable, especially spiritually, and have been for a long time. I've been waiting for God to do some things in me and my life for a long time and they just haven't happened, or at least not the way I thought. It's been discouraging, and caused me to say things to myself like, "What am I doing wrong? Did I even hear you right? Am I running after something I made up and not a vision you gave me? I must be an idiot for hoping." Then even when I hear myself saying or feeling those things I've just tried to suck it up because I know that by now I shouldn't even think twice that God loves me, even if I don't feel like he does. Nevertheless, I struggle with that sometimes. It's uncomfortable not knowing what God's plan is at every turn and yet I want to trust him entirely. After attempting to change my bad attitude I hit a wall this afternoon and I was frustrated. I was mad at God, mad at myself and I was going to solve my discomfort with the unknown by using a great big bag of M&M's.
I started to walk out the door and Greg asked where I was headed. I told him and he extremely gently said, " Wait, look I know I can't make you not do this but would you at least consider buying a small bag?" See we've been married 15 years and he knows I've been on Weight Watchers for 2 years and have lost 40 pounds, so he recognizes what's happening. I told him thank you and jumped into the car prepared to get the huge bag anyways. As I pulled out of the driveway I was already feeling something in me say "You don't have to do this. It is not going to satisfy you." It was gentle and not the familiar condemnation of my own inner voice. It was hopeful, yet I rejected it then sped down the street trying to ignore it. As I got to the highway a familiar face smiled and waived as they drove by. Pastor Rory. I thought, "Are you kidding me right now? Oh well he's probably going into town." In the 30 seconds it took to get up to the store I thought, "What if he turns in there? What if he sees me? I do not want to explain myself, this is so embarrassing." He turned in to Lake Kathryn village and parked next to me. I was totally busted. I confessed what I was there for. I told him how Greg had counseled me before I left and he agreed. "Just get a small bag".
So there I was feeling absolutely cared for by God but still trying to figure out a way I could walk out of the grocery store that big bag of candy and not regret it. It didn't happen. I paced up and down that aisle for a good ten minutes. Eventually I settled on a diet iced tea and a small bag of Mike & Ikes which I came home and shared with the two darling little girls that were at our home this afternoon. That felt better than any amount of keeping it all to myself.
In the end it just amazed me that even in my full on rebellion, frustration and imperfection, God showed His love and comfort for me anyways. Not condemnation, not shame, but the gentle nudging of His voice giving me MANY opportunities to turn away from the temptation to keep eating. It has been a with beautiful few hours at home since then. I can't believe God cares so much for my heart attitude that he would encourage me by his word, by my husband and even by one of my pastors showing up at the last minute. How could I ever say God doesn't care about me when this afternoon the proof of his love was overwhelmingly personal and comforting.
Tomorrow is a new day. Back to weight watchers tracking, back to caring properly for the bod God gave me and being honorable to him, respectful to myself, and a better example to my daughters. However for today I can live with the reminder that he shows his love to me even in the midst of my brokenness.
This verse reminds me of his deep love for me at my very worst...
Romans 5: 6-8
"6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
This verse reminds me that he's not finished with me yet....
Phillipians 1:6
"6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
I have to confess that this weekends food festival was especially bad because I haven't overeaten like this for ages. I mean it. Sometimes I will hear people shame themselves over how they could pound a bag of M&M's or a box of cookies. So when I tell you that Since friday I've eaten: 6 krispy kreme donuts, 15 chicken nuggets and some fries, two hot dogs with everything on them, a mess of chips, ice cream, pasta salad a cupcake, 3 bowls of fruit loops a cup o noodles and just now I polished off a bag of Mike & Ike's, believe me I could eat some M&M's right now too! In fact that is exactly why I'm blogging because an hour ago in tears I was on my way to a pity party at the Lake Kathryn Store to buy a giant bag of peanut butter M&M's.
The eating wasn't at all about hunger. It actually began on the heels of some spiritual emotional turmoil, but I had to press on. It was my daughters birthday and I had to be fun mom. She had requested donuts instead of cake. So when Greg walked through the front door with 48 assorted krispy kreme donuts it was like he held a bag of kryptonite. So I ate one, and that was all it took. I knew after the second one that I had just opened pandora's box and there was no hope of turning back. The carbs made me feel great for 20 minutes and then just like that my blood sugar would drop and the cycle would start over again, and every time I would feel more and more ashamed and uncomfortable.
See I don't like to be uncomfortable, especially spiritually, and have been for a long time. I've been waiting for God to do some things in me and my life for a long time and they just haven't happened, or at least not the way I thought. It's been discouraging, and caused me to say things to myself like, "What am I doing wrong? Did I even hear you right? Am I running after something I made up and not a vision you gave me? I must be an idiot for hoping." Then even when I hear myself saying or feeling those things I've just tried to suck it up because I know that by now I shouldn't even think twice that God loves me, even if I don't feel like he does. Nevertheless, I struggle with that sometimes. It's uncomfortable not knowing what God's plan is at every turn and yet I want to trust him entirely. After attempting to change my bad attitude I hit a wall this afternoon and I was frustrated. I was mad at God, mad at myself and I was going to solve my discomfort with the unknown by using a great big bag of M&M's.
I started to walk out the door and Greg asked where I was headed. I told him and he extremely gently said, " Wait, look I know I can't make you not do this but would you at least consider buying a small bag?" See we've been married 15 years and he knows I've been on Weight Watchers for 2 years and have lost 40 pounds, so he recognizes what's happening. I told him thank you and jumped into the car prepared to get the huge bag anyways. As I pulled out of the driveway I was already feeling something in me say "You don't have to do this. It is not going to satisfy you." It was gentle and not the familiar condemnation of my own inner voice. It was hopeful, yet I rejected it then sped down the street trying to ignore it. As I got to the highway a familiar face smiled and waived as they drove by. Pastor Rory. I thought, "Are you kidding me right now? Oh well he's probably going into town." In the 30 seconds it took to get up to the store I thought, "What if he turns in there? What if he sees me? I do not want to explain myself, this is so embarrassing." He turned in to Lake Kathryn village and parked next to me. I was totally busted. I confessed what I was there for. I told him how Greg had counseled me before I left and he agreed. "Just get a small bag".
So there I was feeling absolutely cared for by God but still trying to figure out a way I could walk out of the grocery store that big bag of candy and not regret it. It didn't happen. I paced up and down that aisle for a good ten minutes. Eventually I settled on a diet iced tea and a small bag of Mike & Ikes which I came home and shared with the two darling little girls that were at our home this afternoon. That felt better than any amount of keeping it all to myself.
In the end it just amazed me that even in my full on rebellion, frustration and imperfection, God showed His love and comfort for me anyways. Not condemnation, not shame, but the gentle nudging of His voice giving me MANY opportunities to turn away from the temptation to keep eating. It has been a with beautiful few hours at home since then. I can't believe God cares so much for my heart attitude that he would encourage me by his word, by my husband and even by one of my pastors showing up at the last minute. How could I ever say God doesn't care about me when this afternoon the proof of his love was overwhelmingly personal and comforting.
Tomorrow is a new day. Back to weight watchers tracking, back to caring properly for the bod God gave me and being honorable to him, respectful to myself, and a better example to my daughters. However for today I can live with the reminder that he shows his love to me even in the midst of my brokenness.
This verse reminds me of his deep love for me at my very worst...
Romans 5: 6-8
"6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
This verse reminds me that he's not finished with me yet....
Phillipians 1:6
"6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Saying Goodbye...
Losing a family member is never easy, even if it is a fur family member. Last night at 9:00pm we said goodbye to our boy with the help of the wonderful staff at the 24 Hour Emergency Vet. Clinic. I am happy to say that he passed peacefully and quickly and will never have to suffer again.
For about 3 months I've been telling him "I'm so sorry" almost every time I leave the house because he would just lay there all day, not eating, not sleeping, we couldn't even take him on a walk anymore. Then yesterday afternoon there was an "event" that was the deciding factor for us to move forward with considering putting him to sleep. We had a family meeting and discussed what was happening to Bullet with our girls. Gracie took it the hardest. She said, "I just can't imagine taking him somewhere and not coming home with him." She held his face and burst into tears. Haylee, like her father, was more practical. She teared up a little bit, but understood and is taking her time processing a bit quieter.
We gave our girls the choice to have some alone time with him before we took him in. I'm not going to lie, we did spy on Gracie. She softly stroked his head and told him how much she loved him. Then she snuck him a treat. Haylee did take a moment and like I said before it was just a very quiet moment.
We drove to the vet in a stupor really, feeling dizzy and a bit sick. No one ever wants to make that decision. However we had agreed as a family that it would have been selfish and cruel to let him continue on the way he was. So there we were at the vet.
They gave us a nice blanket for him to lay on and they gave Greg and I plenty of time to say our goodbyes. I sat on the linoleum and held his face and told him all the things I thought I should say. Greg petted his head and gave him a tummy rub and told him what a good boy he had been. Then after the vet came in the process was very quick and quiet. We stayed for a long time after. I felt like Gracie, it didn't feel right to leave him there.
We came out to the car and decided since the kids were doing better that we should have dinner. We grabbed some fast food and pulled into a parking lot where we laughed and cried through 15 years of memories of our dog Bullet. The funny nicknames we called him, times when he ate Haylee's fundraiser chocolate, or when his ears would sail in the wind at Cannon Beach, or when he would lay right next to us in our camping chair at night when the bonfire was lit.
My favorite memory was that ever since Greg & I had dated in High School he'd known that I had always wanted a hound dog. In our first year of marriage just after our oldest was born Greg called me from the Humane Society. We hadn't even talked about getting a dog really. He said I should come down and see this hound dog he found. Greg absolutely loved him. So he came home and I nervously went down to the shelter to meet "Snoopy" for the first time. He was just the right amount of hound with floppy ears but no drooling! We brought him home the next day, and if you can believe it I was scared of him because he barked so much. Needless to say I got over it and he became an excellent guard dog and walking companion.
The most difficult memory of Bullet is the one we just made. When we came home last night to his empty spot in the living room that set me off all over again. The beautiful thing that came out of that was my teenager came and sat down on the couch and filled with compassion put her arms around me while I cried. That was amazing. Later on in the evening Greg and I both heard a sound that reminded us of when Bullet would mosey down the hallway at night to come to bed. We just looked at each other right away when we heard it and knew we'd never hear that sound again.
Just a moment later our new little fur face girl popped up on the side of our bed and invited herself to join us. (We made her get back down and wait to be invited of course because of training). Sunny, our new puppy has earned her new spot on the end of our bed. As she fell asleep she began dreaming and making those funny running motions and noises, just like Bullet used to do. We're looking forward to the next 15 years of this new season of our lives making new memories with our chocolate lab, but we will never forget our boy Bullet. He was my first dog and our best dog and will always be in our hearts.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Here Comes The Sun
See, we have this other dog named Bullet... and well he is old and kind of grumpy. For the last week or so we didn't think he was going to make it through the night. Then Sunny showed up and since then there's been a lot of singing. You know that song from "Annie" right. (Bet you're bottom dollar you're singing it :) Yeah, that's kind of our theme song right now. Anyway, Bullet does not like the singing. He also doesn't like that he is mostly blind and deaf and there is this fast moving brown thing that sneaks up on him all the time. What he doesn't see is that she desperately wants him to play, but he is too old and mostly dead. Oh, well. It's good for them both I guess. She is learning boundaries and he has a reason to get out of bed now. Our life as our daughters described it is now a zoo. Two cats, two dogs, two kids, two parents. If anything else shows up in a two pack we may have to build an ark.
So the story behind Sunny is that our good friends have an AKC Chocolate Lab named Cassie, and she is thee best lab I've ever met in my life. She's playful, protective, obedient, and gorgeous. For the last two years I have been hounding my buddy David to breed her so I could have a "Cassie puppy". They finally found an excellent sire and went for it, and thus Sunny was born and we couldn't be happier.
She fits right in around here already. She's smart and playful, eager to please and kind of crazy. Just the right dog for the Reed's.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Monday, Glorious Monday!
Well, it's back to the grind today. With caffeinated glory in my hands I am ready for what lies ahead today. A fairly long list thank you very much. Work, Y, Bank, Store, Band practice. Somewhere in there i'm in denial that I won't get to see my puppy today, but it's all good.
In just a few moments I will dash off to the bathroom and do the war paint ritual to mask the rampant aging of this face and try and tame the mangled mess on my head. What I really want to do though is snuggle up in front of a fire in my pretend log cabin and read a book... mmmmmm.
Instead I will traipse off to my day job where the first 30 minutes will be making more coffee and planning time with boss 1 A. All the while my kiddos will be doing their time at school. Reality while not always the most funnest thing to deal with is so important in keeping things in perspective. Hopefully by the time my head hits the pillow tonight I'll look back and appreciate the 2 week long break we just had.
Good morning.
In just a few moments I will dash off to the bathroom and do the war paint ritual to mask the rampant aging of this face and try and tame the mangled mess on my head. What I really want to do though is snuggle up in front of a fire in my pretend log cabin and read a book... mmmmmm.
Instead I will traipse off to my day job where the first 30 minutes will be making more coffee and planning time with boss 1 A. All the while my kiddos will be doing their time at school. Reality while not always the most funnest thing to deal with is so important in keeping things in perspective. Hopefully by the time my head hits the pillow tonight I'll look back and appreciate the 2 week long break we just had.
Good morning.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
When things don't obey me. Like time, space, & people. A short rant by: Leslie Reed
I woke up late. Obviously this was to be expected after last night's coffee fueled sleeplessness. It was wonderful though, for the first time in a while my teenager came in and sweetly woke me up with a sing song little cheerful voice. "Mom, guess what time it is? It's 11am." Prying myself out of bed is kind of like trying to exit a bear trap. We have actual polar fleece sheets on right now because it's so cold and who really wants to leave a cocoon of warmth when it feels like 0 below on the floor? So I forced myself upright and beelined for the coffee pot.
The kids have been looking forward to this day since Christmas when they got spending money and gift cards. It's called, let's go shopping for dad's birthday/ buy ourselves whatever we want day YAAAAAYYYY!!! So I started devising a plan to leave the house. It began with slave driving the children to clean and ended with us in the car 3 hours later. Success! Well, sort of. I realized that I had made plans for later that evening and due to my late start in the day would probably end up disappointing a friend. Strike one for things that didn't obey me.... time refused to stretch out and provide a few more hours for this day. Boo. I just want to do ALL the fun things.
So were in the car driving, chatting, planning, and plotting. Then I drove right past the bank.... Strike two. My brain didn't obey me by remembering to stop there. No problem, we just went to a different one further down the highway. The teenager went in and cashed her checks like a boss, and we were on our way to shop mania.
It is at this point of the story I choose to reveal to you the added stress of that moment. I was driving the vehicle with the manual transmission. This is tricky for me since I primarily drive a big 4x4 SUV that does everything for me. So, when I drive the tiny car I am extra careful. With great caution I nosed the little car out into my lane when a grey Honda flew by at around 30+ mph nearly murdering my children.... well, that's where my head went. Strike three, my right foot disobeyed me by plunging to the floor and following after the woman making sure she new I was not pleased with her almost destroying my family. I wanted to know where it was that she needed to get to so fast that was worth risking our lives. I followed her for 3 blocks to the main stretch of Pt. Fosdick drive, and while I may have called her an idiot, screams didn't leave my lips, and the bird did not greet her as I drove by. Also, there may have been a death stare...I um, don't remember. It turns out she was in a hurry to get to an apartment complex. No, I didn't go all Terminator 2 on her or follow her to her house, but I kind of wanted to. I may have hoped that her apartment was on fire, but only for a second.
I'm glad we didn't get hit by that car today. I know when it's our day to go, it's our day to go, but after having such a great memory making afternoon with my girls i'm so grateful it wasn't today.
The kids have been looking forward to this day since Christmas when they got spending money and gift cards. It's called, let's go shopping for dad's birthday/ buy ourselves whatever we want day YAAAAAYYYY!!! So I started devising a plan to leave the house. It began with slave driving the children to clean and ended with us in the car 3 hours later. Success! Well, sort of. I realized that I had made plans for later that evening and due to my late start in the day would probably end up disappointing a friend. Strike one for things that didn't obey me.... time refused to stretch out and provide a few more hours for this day. Boo. I just want to do ALL the fun things.
So were in the car driving, chatting, planning, and plotting. Then I drove right past the bank.... Strike two. My brain didn't obey me by remembering to stop there. No problem, we just went to a different one further down the highway. The teenager went in and cashed her checks like a boss, and we were on our way to shop mania.
It is at this point of the story I choose to reveal to you the added stress of that moment. I was driving the vehicle with the manual transmission. This is tricky for me since I primarily drive a big 4x4 SUV that does everything for me. So, when I drive the tiny car I am extra careful. With great caution I nosed the little car out into my lane when a grey Honda flew by at around 30+ mph nearly murdering my children.... well, that's where my head went. Strike three, my right foot disobeyed me by plunging to the floor and following after the woman making sure she new I was not pleased with her almost destroying my family. I wanted to know where it was that she needed to get to so fast that was worth risking our lives. I followed her for 3 blocks to the main stretch of Pt. Fosdick drive, and while I may have called her an idiot, screams didn't leave my lips, and the bird did not greet her as I drove by. Also, there may have been a death stare...I um, don't remember. It turns out she was in a hurry to get to an apartment complex. No, I didn't go all Terminator 2 on her or follow her to her house, but I kind of wanted to. I may have hoped that her apartment was on fire, but only for a second.
Was my reaction wrong? Well, sort of. I didn't terrify my kids by my driving... truthfully it's not like I followed her by speeding however, I wanted to be sure she understood that I was angry and that she was stupid for driving nascar through the parking lot of a grocery store. When the red haze began to lift from my vision I felt a bit bad and wished it never happened. See, i'm an empathy person and even after someone does something like that I begin to try and empathize with their situation. Who knows what was really going on in her day that made her feel like speeding like that? Maybe she was insecurely trying to look like an awesome race car driver or maybe she was really upset by someone who hurt her. I have to believe it was something like that because the alternative is that she was just being really careless and that's so yick.... how's that for a grown up word.
Anyway, it opened up a great conversation with my girls about defensive driving and we dissected the event all the way to the mall. Where Strike four happened.... Starbucks did not obey me by having egg nog. Followed by Strike five which was Verizon Wireless disobeying me by not giving me the phone I wanted to buy my husband for his birthday, but it all worked out in the end. The girls and I had a great meal together, laughed and talked and shopped til we dropped and found some amazing gifts to celebrate their outstanding father.
Sometimes...
It's 1:21 in the AM. Sometimes I like to restart old things... like this blog. This thing is ancient. I think I opened it in 2010...gross. Well several of my good friends (Tina Stobbe & Jen Adams) recently inspired me to perhaps post once again. I don't always have deep intense things to share, but who knows it might happen. I am ADD after all so if the mood strikes me and I happen to be near the computer wisdom of the ages may spew forth, but i'm warning you... it's not likely. Also, it is fun to start things of with the word sometimes. Truth be told the phrase is borrowed from dear Katy Marshall who said it once on her facebook, but it inspired me for life. How's that for inspiring... are you moved to tears yet? If you are I know a good counselor. Anyhoo, my reason for revisiting this outlet is that I think it might be fun sometimes, cause you to laugh sometimes, inspire you want to argue with me sometimes, or even get you to see from another's perspective for a brief moment. That's the hope anyway. So consider this your warning that what follows from now on will be steming from highly passionate/dramatic feelings and possibly the throes of an ADD event and that there's probably more to it than what I remember to write down. Consider yourself warned, read on at your own risk.
Let me introduce myself... I'm a 34 year old mom of two humans and four fur babies, 15 year veteran of marriage, and singer in a rock band. (It's always a bit awkward mentioning that part, but worth it nonetheless so you get the full picture) I love my family and friends fiercely and have one other highly important aspect of my life to disclose, however I think it best to wait to tell you until the suspense has been properly developed. My parents each have been a unique influence on my life in different ways. My father has the supernatural skill of sarcasm and also taught me to sing, play piano, & guitar. My mother was one of the most loving and merciful people you'd ever meet. They made me: a sarcastic (but working on it) musician who loves hurting people no matter what. I was once called highly volatile, and for the record was not offended.
I have a day job where I masquerade as my alter ego ( a Clark Kentish type only not really because I'm a girl). At my current workplace I answer to 3 bosses, but it's ok. Don't freak out. They are all really amazing people to work with. One of them loves to re-enact Les Mis with me on Mondays, one of them can make Christmas songs out of 80's movie tunes, and one of them prefers a plethora of authoritative names; so I get to make them up daily. It's great. Other than that I've held many other jobs: Sales clerk, CSW, Mary Kay Consultant, Childcare, Director of children's programs, Festival planner and blah blah blah... my "night job" is as a singer in a band where i'm more like Batman. More on that later.
I have a husband. He's sleeping right now because he's very smart and has to get up in the morning to go to work. He makes me laugh and cry and think before I act, and be reasonable. I make him be crazy and he loves that. He offers me the privilege of being the only person who knows what he sounds like with a variety of accents, and let me tell you it truly is an honor. He really honestly is my best friend in the whole world and the greatest of my support system. We are still married because we like each other, and view what we have as worth fighting and working hard for. It's almost our anniversary so I'm kind of super excited about our marriage right now!
I have a teenager. She is absolutely wonderful. She's a legit ballerina who recently earned her pointe shoes and is working hard at her sport. She's a talented artist who loves drawing and painting. She's a gifted writer who creates glorious word pictures for a reader to fall into. There is a deep thoughtful wisdom in her young soul already. Some of her perceptions of life astound me as she shares them. She's also very quiet and shy, deep and thoughtful, and also obnoxiously funny when she feels safe to be herself. I love spending time with her in her element and watching her become the lovely young lady she is. I also adore listening to her mock operatic singers. There is nothing funnier. She is also 90% kind and loving to her sister. What a blessing! So cool to be her mom.
I also have a tweenager. She is my little Spweetie pie. She's crazy smart, chess player, lego lover, american girl doll fanatical, youngest daughter. She loves singing and playing the piano, writing her own music and making us all laugh. She is witty and entertaining, loyal and loving, and sensitive. It is a pleasure to be in her company and listen to what is important to her. For instance she loves baking. Ever since she was a toddler she knew who Alton Brown was... do you even know who he is? Anyways, she just finished two papers that were mind blowing. Paper #1 was a classroom assignment where she petitioned us to take her to Hoboken NJ to meet Buddy of Cake Boss and eat at his bakery. Paper #2 was a two page compare and contrast about nuclear fission vs. fusion. That one, she wrote for fun.... It is so much fun to be her mom.
I have four fur babies: Two feline, two canine. Cats are Smoky & Sissy, Dogs are Bullet and Sunshine. They are all "special" animals in their own way. Smoky is your typical psychotic cat. Sissy has kind of a harelip, Bullet smells like impending doom constantly. It's partly his breed and partly because he's older than the hills. Then there is Sunny. She's coming to live with us in two weeks and well so far the only thing that stands out about her is that she's pretty normal. Well, no, she's insanely cute.
That's it me in a nutshell. Probably a walnut shell, because well... they're pretty big. It's late now. 2:23am exactly. I'm going to bed now. Hope you enjoyed this little ice breaker. I did. :)
Let me introduce myself... I'm a 34 year old mom of two humans and four fur babies, 15 year veteran of marriage, and singer in a rock band. (It's always a bit awkward mentioning that part, but worth it nonetheless so you get the full picture) I love my family and friends fiercely and have one other highly important aspect of my life to disclose, however I think it best to wait to tell you until the suspense has been properly developed. My parents each have been a unique influence on my life in different ways. My father has the supernatural skill of sarcasm and also taught me to sing, play piano, & guitar. My mother was one of the most loving and merciful people you'd ever meet. They made me: a sarcastic (but working on it) musician who loves hurting people no matter what. I was once called highly volatile, and for the record was not offended.
I have a day job where I masquerade as my alter ego ( a Clark Kentish type only not really because I'm a girl). At my current workplace I answer to 3 bosses, but it's ok. Don't freak out. They are all really amazing people to work with. One of them loves to re-enact Les Mis with me on Mondays, one of them can make Christmas songs out of 80's movie tunes, and one of them prefers a plethora of authoritative names; so I get to make them up daily. It's great. Other than that I've held many other jobs: Sales clerk, CSW, Mary Kay Consultant, Childcare, Director of children's programs, Festival planner and blah blah blah... my "night job" is as a singer in a band where i'm more like Batman. More on that later.
I have a husband. He's sleeping right now because he's very smart and has to get up in the morning to go to work. He makes me laugh and cry and think before I act, and be reasonable. I make him be crazy and he loves that. He offers me the privilege of being the only person who knows what he sounds like with a variety of accents, and let me tell you it truly is an honor. He really honestly is my best friend in the whole world and the greatest of my support system. We are still married because we like each other, and view what we have as worth fighting and working hard for. It's almost our anniversary so I'm kind of super excited about our marriage right now!
I have a teenager. She is absolutely wonderful. She's a legit ballerina who recently earned her pointe shoes and is working hard at her sport. She's a talented artist who loves drawing and painting. She's a gifted writer who creates glorious word pictures for a reader to fall into. There is a deep thoughtful wisdom in her young soul already. Some of her perceptions of life astound me as she shares them. She's also very quiet and shy, deep and thoughtful, and also obnoxiously funny when she feels safe to be herself. I love spending time with her in her element and watching her become the lovely young lady she is. I also adore listening to her mock operatic singers. There is nothing funnier. She is also 90% kind and loving to her sister. What a blessing! So cool to be her mom.
I also have a tweenager. She is my little Spweetie pie. She's crazy smart, chess player, lego lover, american girl doll fanatical, youngest daughter. She loves singing and playing the piano, writing her own music and making us all laugh. She is witty and entertaining, loyal and loving, and sensitive. It is a pleasure to be in her company and listen to what is important to her. For instance she loves baking. Ever since she was a toddler she knew who Alton Brown was... do you even know who he is? Anyways, she just finished two papers that were mind blowing. Paper #1 was a classroom assignment where she petitioned us to take her to Hoboken NJ to meet Buddy of Cake Boss and eat at his bakery. Paper #2 was a two page compare and contrast about nuclear fission vs. fusion. That one, she wrote for fun.... It is so much fun to be her mom.
I have four fur babies: Two feline, two canine. Cats are Smoky & Sissy, Dogs are Bullet and Sunshine. They are all "special" animals in their own way. Smoky is your typical psychotic cat. Sissy has kind of a harelip, Bullet smells like impending doom constantly. It's partly his breed and partly because he's older than the hills. Then there is Sunny. She's coming to live with us in two weeks and well so far the only thing that stands out about her is that she's pretty normal. Well, no, she's insanely cute.
That's it me in a nutshell. Probably a walnut shell, because well... they're pretty big. It's late now. 2:23am exactly. I'm going to bed now. Hope you enjoyed this little ice breaker. I did. :)
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