Saying Goodbye...

Losing a family member is never easy, even if it is a fur family member. Last night at 9:00pm we said goodbye to our boy with the help of the wonderful staff at the 24 Hour Emergency Vet. Clinic. I am happy to say that he passed peacefully and quickly and will never have to suffer again. 

For about 3 months I've been telling him "I'm so sorry" almost every time I leave the house because he would just lay there all day, not eating, not sleeping, we couldn't even take him on a walk anymore.  Then yesterday afternoon there was an "event" that was the deciding factor for us to move forward with considering putting him to sleep.  We had a family meeting and discussed what was happening to Bullet with our girls. Gracie took it the hardest. She said, "I just can't imagine taking him somewhere and not coming home with him." She held his face and burst into tears. Haylee, like her father, was more practical. She teared up a little bit, but understood and is taking her time processing a bit quieter.

We gave our girls the choice to have some alone time with him before we took him in. I'm not going to lie, we did spy on Gracie. She softly stroked his head and told him how much she loved him. Then she snuck him a treat. Haylee did take a moment and like I said before it was just a very quiet moment. 

We drove to the vet in a stupor really, feeling dizzy and a bit sick. No one ever wants to make that decision. However we had agreed as a family that it would have been selfish and cruel to let him continue on the way he was. So there we were at the vet. 

They gave us a nice blanket for him to lay on and they gave Greg and I plenty of time to say our goodbyes. I sat on the linoleum and held his face and told him all the things I thought I should say. Greg petted his head and gave him a tummy rub and told him what a good boy he had been.  Then after the vet came in the process was very quick and quiet. We stayed for a long time after. I felt like Gracie, it didn't feel right to leave him there.

We came out to the car and decided since the kids were doing better that we should have dinner. We grabbed some fast food and pulled into a parking lot where we laughed and cried through 15 years of memories of our dog Bullet. The funny nicknames we called him, times when he ate Haylee's fundraiser chocolate, or when his ears would sail in the wind at Cannon Beach, or when he would lay right next to us in our camping chair at night when the bonfire was lit.

 My favorite memory was that ever since Greg & I had dated in High School he'd known that I had always wanted a hound dog. In our first year of marriage just after our oldest was born Greg called me from the Humane Society. We hadn't even talked about getting a dog really. He said I should come down and see this hound dog he found. Greg absolutely loved him.  So he came home and I nervously went down to the shelter to meet "Snoopy" for the first time.  He was just the right amount of hound with floppy ears but no drooling! We brought him home the next day, and if you can believe it I was scared of him because he barked so much. Needless to say I got over it and he became an excellent guard dog and walking companion.  

The most difficult memory of Bullet is the one we just made. When we came home last night to his empty spot in the living room that set me off all over again. The beautiful thing that came out of that was my teenager came and sat down on the couch and filled with compassion put her arms around me while I cried. That was amazing. Later on in the evening Greg and I both heard a sound that reminded us of when Bullet would mosey down the hallway at night to come to bed. We just looked at each other right away when we heard it and knew we'd never hear that sound again. 

Just a moment later our new little fur face girl popped up on the side of our bed and invited herself to join us. (We made her get back down and wait to be invited of course because of training).  Sunny, our new puppy has earned her new spot on the end of our bed. As she fell asleep she began dreaming and making those funny running motions and noises, just like Bullet used to do.  We're looking forward to the next 15 years of this new season of our lives making new memories with our chocolate lab, but we will never forget our boy Bullet. He was my first dog and our best dog and will always be in our hearts.